shifting hours

Place after  place 

Stop  after stop

 The  body  plays  havoc  with the seductive   sway  of the   Train.The  people  radiate a shiny isolation , their  smiles  speak of  warmness out of obligation ...to  be lost  in the never  ending tracks and the endless rounds of  Malayalam music  streaming  out  of  earphones  so   'wanna-ably' placed .

Its  a musical cacophony 

'Jailhouse   rocks'  VS '  Irritating -for-me-Malayalam opera.

ELVIS  DIES ,  as usual.

 PIECES IN REST

Quaint places 

Quaint  people 

 Quaint  food 

Stale  compartment which  has  an aroma  of leather  beaten.

a  To-die-for  AIR  CONDITIONER which  is  so  cold  that  it   makes  my   journey   more  valid.

Suddenly , there is a  group of bachelors  with  a  complex  smell  seeping  from them , i cant  understand it , its a  an enigmatic , heart  wrenching  fragrance of minced egg curry  with a  few  pegs  of  essential  country  booze levitates  from their  red misted  teeth.

the  five of them stare  at me  with  longing  readiness.

 the  waiter  intervenes with 'lunch'

 SURELY .......... 

 this  could  be  my   worst  train  ride ever .

 coming  out  of my  berth ..its  a fast  world.... 

 Mullahs  hibernating ....PROtecting their  covered halves  with   white   curtains  of  society

               The D-60  In  my  hand .. longs  for  a  click   by  itself .

 SHUTTER  OPENS  

click

 SHUTTER CLOSES 

i  sit  soundly and  listen 

 BOOze

 cards 

 booze 

 food  

 music 

 sex 

 hungry  eyes 

 religion 

 coffee.

I scramble  to my  bed again ,in my  comfortable swaying 

 the door  closes and the train  chugs -sounds  distant.my sleep  acquires my  monotonous breath .

I have drifted.

 there is a  Shout .

 i listen to it . not  bothered

  A STATION

 i  let the stink  hit my  again, its  mutual ,we feel  equal.

I Speak to the person i have  been  so  longingly  waiting   for ,he  replies with an  unusual  stir.

 i  want to  hold  him  but   right   now  i   hold the  chains  of the loo.

i  DREAD them .

The  boogie lies in  front  of me and  i try to  open the door ,it creaks and  a  gush  of  hair  hits my face ,i  wish i could  jump. To be still.  to  be motionless.BUT destiny  demands different .

 i think  about him 

HIS voice, HIS tone , HIS gush and  yet again the beep.  HE  doesn't  respond  as he does ..hes too busy .I guess i  should let  him be .

 Realisation  sinks   in ...kick the bludy no.s!@#

its  just you , the shifting  landscape  and  five  drunken  mortals  comparing you   to a  porn star

 get that straight >>

I  Make my way  back  with   another  smell.

 it attracts me to it 

 FooD 

- egg curry 

THe tracks  change and  so  do stations 

RED flag ..is  it ?

Constancy in his Eyes

I   think  again in the midst  of  my adolescence a   thought  so  familiar  that i tend to   get  scared  of  loosing  it  in the paths  of this  world  .These trails beckon   me   from every  corner  of their  wealth  to  come  forth  and  get  scuffled  with their  richness .

I have  friends today ,  some  of them are  gone , gone  to make their existence in  life  more  deserving 

 some of them   have  been taken away  by  mere  coincidence, they  reside in me   through memories 

 and the rest  are  just counterfeits  in the  picture  of   reality .

There is  a   being  out there , far away from me ,  in my thoughts 

 I think of him as soon as nature  creates  something   in me 

 I am  a creation 

 Its easy to   write  for  him  as   i string  letters into words  to   lines .

but i treasure  him in the recognition that we  do not know  how  long  we  shall  have  each other and   yet  their  will be   a   him   in me always  like today .

 I have memories of him  around me , looking   at me  with eyes  penetrating  into mine , lips  touching  mine 

 it was  a  wanted  touch ,

 As  we sat   together in a corner  of a  great  dome , there was  an  excitement 

a  hesitance , a satisfaction unfulfilled

a  smile 

and then  quietly my arm touched  him with  

 silence....................................................

.............................a  moist kiss  with tastes  mingling  to search  for  something  long  found  cast  upon  us  a  uniqueness.

i   will remember that

 

I  make you in my   most truest  of passions 

 I have  you  whenever i  am 

me 

   It   is  an indulgence  to be  with you 

  we  are  like petals of  infancy waiting to bloom  in  the spring  of  our lives .

 what was it  that led  me  towards  you  so   fast ?

 there was a conscience  behind working  to   impose  what  it felt was  right , but  there was it again 

 the same  feeling 

 the same dream 

 the same  shape 

there were other ways  for my heart  to lead but it  stumbled  upon   You  and  we  created  a  mystery .

 would  you be  with me ?

there  are people  who want you 

who have you

who  will love   you as differently as i  do 

i  may  hate them  for having  you  so  close  but this thought  will make  everything  askew 

i  have  faith  in you 

 somethings  are unsaid 

 let them remain  that way... they Will be true 

 like  you .

  There are times  when  i get brainwashed  by  conditions  and living   looks  like a carcass . Your  words reach  like a ray  to calm me .

 I change  when i speak  with you 

 there is  a dream   i have 

 its an enigma  that i own 

 but   know this, my love 

 i  dream  about you in my dreams 

i cherish  what  you gave  me 

what you took away  from me 

 my heart .

I pretend 

I fake 

 I lie 

 I am a hypocrite 

I am  not rattled about   it , it exists  in the whole kind 

But  you fill  up the distance inside me  with a  purity so painless

....................................yeah , that's the feeling  you give me .!

In  words there  is  your name 

 but in between them  there is  silence 

 you are my  silence .

 I Adore you 

I melt   with  your song and   recite  them  when you aren't there.

Its innocence you give me 

 I have never felt Like  this  before  .

hey .. you're  sweet 

i love you

P.S.- for you

 

empire of the sky

The room is as lighted as the evening stars , their glow flickers like the worn out candle standing as a dancing maiden .
it has a canvas to live on
a paint to survive on
a color to give in
nothing living
just the dampness of assumption making streaks of happiness on its brush
its art .

no time is alive in the hours of thought
in the minutes of feeling
in the seconds of destruction

In the space of trust .

the dust lies like silhouette pitted against the crumbs of nature
shuffled
it remains its position like the dew drop on the leaf vein

now i see it
there is a smile too
a quaint tremor of lushness demanding sublimity from the divine
there is a story telling at the twilight of my senses
slowly the they drip past the smell of life and trickle down in the unknown gauges of sounds
of sights
of flickers
stubs
wax trembling down and stinging me with a pain so unique .

i remain a pastel in the hands of a symmetry
stroking each strand with a whisper lay bare
the night was delicate in the silence of the sea
the candle which lay, had no twinkle to share.



....

end over end

LYING on the mattress, i lift my leg and then without an effort put it back to perfection . it just doesn't happen like what its supposed to be .
i guess so
you have to just take it in your head
"I've got my hands on a miracle"
listening to it , i still am a stone piece of flesh
anxiety hates it when you pamper it too much so i just accidentally get up and try t o sort myself out with the means of a butcher .
. yeah !
i need to slaughter each every piece of my beginnings to start the end
no need for anyone but just the fear for survival .

options to grasp ?

elimination
one by one


deep words get embedded into you even when you hate to have them.....
i need to sleep
to calm
to let go of myself

do i?
do you?
is it that difficult ?
hm mm.. lets just hang around in my dads room , its cool , its lonely
this piece has nothing to do with me , it just tags me along with it .. like a 'only-one'

lets think of something new , not the same old 'new' thing to brag about to all the people you're trying to coy into .

foo fighters trail into something i have never seen before
'in your honor'
my memorial goes running back to the times i glanced past
dismissed
day after day
but anyway i am the weakest right now

really me

i need a knife , a rope , a chair and a letter

not self destruction
just to make this an image of dearness
I'm tired


drained


for now

hope i get the chance to say goodbye

booth B
* BEEP *

does not exist ..

S.I.N

GLibly ..I double deal

Ah  finally i  write  something 

Exactly 

 To impress 

and    to make  use of the  net connection which  so longingly stares  at me  every  time  i  exploit  it .

 The table screeches  for ............what  do you  call  it ?..."spring cleaning"  and   every  time  i  sort   out the  wires ,pretending in  front of  my  mom  that hey .. you  know  what ,'you  have  a  cool daughter ',

I falter   with them 

 as  an intrusion  into their  love making 

 their  intercourse

 their  sexual curiosity .

 so i stay away 

 because 

i  am a  good  girl

A person who  tries to work her brain in the  most  uneventful  of  situations 

gets  an idea in  the midst of geek  labels 

and  a person  who  thinks of wearing  goggles  to  protect  herself  from the  harmful  rays  of the monitor .

mother  says"don't  sit  in  front of the  computer  so much ,its  going to ruin your  eyes"

i don't hear her 

 just the flush in the   loo

 its  sound makes  me  wonder at its  generosity, 

 its  capability to create   music  every time its  filled  with  crap 

its  refreshing 

as time passes by 

 i  wonder  at the evilness of  chronology

 its made-to-die-for  mechanism .

 its  social  strategies 

 no one  falls  prey to it 

its  our  prey 

 our nourishment 

 we   survive  on  it 

 to grow 

 into what?

 into  spectrum's  devoid  of  color 

 just techniques.

"HOW  DO YOU  DO THIS? "

" DO YOU LIKE  IT?"

 i  hope you  do 

 if  you don't  consult a  human 

because he  creates.

 dad tells me to  be  curious  enough... mom  surely agrees  and  diverts  from her territorial boundary to  hammer  this in  my                 DE-limited head.

i tell her  that the  kitchen smells  nice with her  in it and  all the aromas flying  into this  ghastly  room  of clothes overthrown ,

 coke bottles as inspiration,

strawberry smelling knickers

and a face 

 still  staring  into GMail,FB,you tube ..with so much intensity that as  soon as i log out 

 .. the  nimble  fingers  which  scrolled through the  mails start getting  withdrawal symptoms ....

"we wanna go back"

yes  babes .. tomorrow . we will

 for  now its  bedtime 

 story time 

cooooooooochy  coo

 blasphemy !

i am proud  of myself 

i am curious  enough.

that solves  one  problem .

DAD:   meg ha !!! get off the damn  net., do you get me ?!!!

MEgha( lying):     papa, i cant  close it , there's  a  problem  with it .

SILENCE

feels  nice

doomsday

i  double deal  again 

"dad,i have  closed it "

quietly , i fumble across the  room , close my  door 

and  prance  around  in tribal happiness  for the achievement i just discovered .

He's  in hibernating  state ,i think 

 with a  blinking box in  front of  him calling  to rejoice  the new government .

its  swearing 

i  will- 

swear at them .

but that's later ,for some  other day

  some other  late  afternoon  when the  sun shines beastly  upon us 

romanticizes with the finite  energy i have

and elopes me into  a  slumber i usually get everyday.

nap time  ,kids

no, i need  to write more 

                               about   so many people 

  things 

 creatures 

 lives ....

music 

 paint

i am  living for  so much 

 what  for ?

why  do  we write  each others script ?

 mother wants  to write mine 

 she  writes  it for my dad  too,he's used to it , they enjoy  playing their  parts .

i am  not in a  habit  right now 

 reason  being  , i am  just CURIOUS about  other  things 

 exploring  my  side  before  i succumb to  performances  already  enacted .

i am just on the list 

 no  number 

 but still waiting .

 the playwright wants  me to be natural 

ah ! so true 

but 

 hey man,       i need  a 'pack-up'

or just a

 Retake

 my tantrum shows on his face 

but  he  complies  for the fear of  loosing  me 

can i ?

 be lost .

for now the curtains slowly open to reveal the histrionics..

i play the lost character of Mr.curiousity..not the  lead  role

 just a  shady vamp in the heads  of  the mindless

Thundering  Applause

Encore 

 i was a born  actor 

i am not  being jocular  just trying to express  something  which  still sits  in this  chaotic membrane.

'truce'

i  swivel back to reality with yet another sound mixed with the flush music 

Dad bangs on the door

thunder booms .

it shoots away the passion i had 

it distracts  the mind from blankness

 it  brings curiosity lying in front of me 

arms flayed aside

i try to reach out for it 

but  its too late  again

i get up with  the coke in my hand 

and  unlock the door

receive a sense of cruel belonging again

and then retire to my territory

 like a  lost warrior 

wounded dog 

whimpering away .

stop

dad is on his  seat  again .. the  world is  back to normal 

 with a  normal family 

 doing  normal  cooking 

 feeding  normal  people 

 but  you know what 

"Curiosity just  got killed"

.........